The Sandwich Generation 02-1999

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" background="005d8c03.jpg"> <div> <IMG SRC="074b5b80.jpg" border=0 width="181" height="184" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>The small is powerful.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>H</B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Home"><U><B>ome</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id5.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="An Interview With Lydia "><U><B>An Interview with Lydia</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id6.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Appointments"><U><B>Appointments </B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id45.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Instructions"><U><B>Instructions</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id46.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Homeopathy for Children"><U><B>Homeopathy for Children</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id47.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Complimentary Medicine"><U><B>Complimentary Medicine</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id48.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Pet Treatment"><U><B>Animal Treatment</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id49.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bach Flower Remedies"><U><B>Bach Flower Remedies</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id72.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Four Periods a Year? 012005"><U><B>Latest Newsletter</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Past Newsletters"><U><B>Past Newsletters</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id68.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Tree"><U><B>The Tree</B></U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B><U>The Sandwich Generation</U></B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>(Reprint of 02/1999 Newsletter)</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Papyrus" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>Dear friends,</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Papyrus" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>If you are in mid-life, have children at home, and are caring for or helping care for a parent, you may be part of what has been labeled the "Sandwich Generation." The Baby Boomers were the first generation to so markedly delay childbearing, and it has caused a unique situation in our lives that nobody seems to have foreseen.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Papyrus" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>I am one of the comparatively fortunate members of the Sandwich Generation. At the moment, both my parents are in good health and need little help from me. Over the past year though, as my father dealt with cancer and it's treatment, I got a taste of what it was like to be a caregiver sandwiched in between the needs of a younger and an older generation. At the same time, I was trying to deal with changes in my personal life as well as my own changing body as I approached menopause.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Papyrus" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>I've always been fascinated by social trends, and I've had the opportunity to follow many of them through my practice - the delay in child-bearing, latch-key children, women in the work force, single parenting, custodial grandparents, etc. Each is marked with challenges, and the challenges are always more daunting for those at the beginning of a change. As the change settles in, more coping skills are learned and more appropriate services are offered. The Sandwich Generation is just starting to be impacted by the monumental challenge at hand, and services are still developing. I have watched with fascination as more and more of the calls that come into my practice have to do with the care of an ill or aging parent by their adult child.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Papyrus" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was tremendously strengthened and encouraged by the support I got after I wrote in the newsletter about my father's illness and treatment. By the same token, those who learned about my family situation seemed to take heart that there were others out there experiencing caring for a parent or parents. An exchange of information about that experience was a great place to start. I learned that others felt much the way I did while caring for a parent. I was almost always able to maintain a professional and functional exterior, but inside I felt like a scared four-year-old clinging to my dad's pant leg. I was shocked by my reaction and by the fact that his age and mine had not seemed to change the dynamic of our relationship. What had changed were the physical needs and responsibilities. Although logically I could see that my father was an old man and I was a middle-aged woman with children, it was hard to make that shift in my mind. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was also difficult to set priorities for myself. Family has always been my first priority, but during my father's illness I was faced with choosing between conflicting family needs. I have always been a "full contact mother," but I was sometimes unclear as to how I could be a "full contact daughter" at the same time. I managed it by not planning ahead and just taking things minute by minute. I was lucky in that my father remained very capable throughout treatment, but I was aware that his capabilities could change at any moment. I am seeing this uncertainty in so many of you as you try to set priorities and still keep yourself in one piece.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Papyrus" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here are some of the things that kept me going during the toughest times:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Eating</B><B> - Although not always eating "correctly," I did get some food into myself on a regular basis. All diet restrictions went out the window as I ate hospital food or whatever I could grab, but I did eat.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Resting</B><B> - My busy mind made it difficult for me to sleep at times, I did take time to lie in bed and rest or just zone out with TV or a magazine.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Letting down my standards</B><B> - </B><B>Food preparation and cleanliness around the house took a backseat to other priorities, and we all survived just fine.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Allowing myself to feel sad</B><B> - Despite the optimism that is a virtual requirement in my family of origin, I learned to take it in stride when I had hours or even days of feeling overwhelmed and sad, and I learned not to beat myself up about it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Saying no to things I didn't feel like doing or couldn't handle</B><B> - I learned to accept that I needed to pare down to the necessities and not add any new challenges to my life like classes, projects, and social gatherings that gave me a knot in my stomach just thinking about them.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Distancing myself from people who had difficulty relating or offering help</B><B> - Everyone has friends and acquaintances that take more than they give. While I was in full care-taker mode, my "black hole of need" friends were put on hold until I could more easily handle their neediness.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Looking at the bigger picture</B><B> - Sandwich Generation or not, it helped me to remember that people have cared for parents from the beginning of time and survived, and also that I was setting a good example for my own children who might someday take care of me.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Keeping on top of things with the remedies</B><B> - During times of intense care taking, I took more remedies than usual for both physical and emotional symptoms. I was generally able to keep small problems from blossoming into larger ones that might impair my ability to do what I needed to do.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If you're finding yourself beginning to deal with the special problems of the Sandwich Generation, you might want to consider taking my class on March 6th in NYC. I'll be talking about using homeopathic remedies to treat the emotions acutely. I have rarely found my emotions so intense as when my father was diagnosed and started treatment. The remedies helped ease that for me tremendously.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Papyrus" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>If you need help as you enter an intense care-taking phase of your life, give me a call and let me help you decide on what remedies to use to keep you afloat. Identify your situation to people at work, church, and meetings. You'll find that you're not alone and that others are very willing to share valuable information with you.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Papyrus" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>Feel free to contact me about whatever you may find yourself facing. We're all in this boat together, and if we're lucky, the remedies will make the trip a bit easier for us.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Good health,</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Papyrus" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Lydia</B></div> <div> <A HREF="mailto:LydiaHHall@aol.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:LydiaHHall@aol.com"><U><B>LydiaHHall@aol.com</B></U></A></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="id63.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Choosing A Doctor 111198"><U><B>Back to Top</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id87.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Sandwich Generation PF"><U><B>Printer Friendly Version</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id63.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Choosing A Doctor 111198"><U><B>Next Newsletter</B></U></A></div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>